Monthly Archives: December 2008

Believe!

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The MeMe question for the day asks: What do you want to believe in?

Click on the above link to see other answers from other bloggers.

This was a rather hard and thought provoking question. There are already many things that I believe in. The first thing is true love. The other is God, though I am so very far from being religious. I already believe there is life after death, as some may argue. I think this question is tricky. If you want to believe in something, it means that you don’t currently believe it now, correct?

So my answer is that I want to believe that this world will become a better place to live. It is not so much for me, but for my daughters. They have just arrived in this place called earth and life and it’s not looking so bright. Right now they are so precious and innocent. There is so much violence, drugs and just negativity in all aspects of life. I want to believe that it will get better. The thought of them growing up in this world frightens me. Will they be strong enough to make their own decisions as adolescents? Will they be safe when they go away to college- or even elementary school? Kids nowadays are just thinking way too ahead of themselves. Times have changed, but I want to believe it can change for the better. Sometimes, I don’t think the world has changed so much. There has always been violence and drugs. I think what has changed is our acceptance of them in our lives. We’ve accepted teenage pregnancy. We’ve accepted that shooting in the schools happen. We’ve accepted so many things because we see it on TV all the time. Kids watch so much MTV, they become immersed in what is “in” and want to emulate the lifestyle they see. Now that I am a mom, it is a different perspective. It’s a scary world out there, and I am scared for my daughters. I just hope that my foundation and upbringing of them will be enough. Is that enough nowadays.

I want to believe that it is!

To my girls Jasmyne and Janelle: I know there will come a time when you will read these crazy writings of mine. You’ll find this printed out blog/journal in the attic or box somewhere and hopefully read through it to learn what we have gone through in life. How your parents met and the journey we took to get you guys where you are today, wherever that may be. Right now we are just at the very beginning. Who knows what will happen tomorrow or what I will write about. We just hope that you guys always look at the beginning so you can go in the right direction in life. Always start with a good foundation and make the best decisions for yourselves.

OMG! I think I’m tearing. This crazy postpartum depression has got to go away. I’m being way too dramatic lately. Pardon me and have a good Wednesday!

Definitely, Maybe

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So the other day, I had nothing better to do. Dexter was at work and the two kids were sleeping. I needed to wind down some and decided to watch a movie. I had totally forgotten the story and decided to watch Definitely, Maybe- which is one of my favorite movies. The last time I watched it, I remembered having a little discussion with Dex over the storyline. After the movie ended, I remembered why I loved the movie so much. It was probably because it somehow relates to me, or more so to Dex. I don’t want to ruin the movie for those who have not seen it yet. If you haven’t already seen it, it’s a must see romantic flick.

 

In our lives, we all have the “what could have been’ relationship. In my life, that “what could have been” was answered about seven years after we broke up my freshman year of high school. I knew deep down that I still wanted to be with this guy, but I just didn’t know how to put two and two together. We rarely talked throughout the years despite us going to the same school. I would see him walking down the halls and he would stop to talk to me if he wasn’t with another girl. If he was, he would give me this smile of his that I still remember. I remember having the butterfly feeling in my stomach. I remember having post-its ready by the phone on the days he told me he’d call. My post-its had topics I could talk about so that there would be no awkward silence. He had to tell me when and what time he would call so I would answer the phone instead of my brothers or my dad. I remember him having other girls “three-way” call my house so that nobody would suspect I was talking to him. Even though we both knew we wanted to be together, we knew we couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed and my older brother went to the same school. He was definitely (maybe) not on my side. There were two days of the year that was ours though. It was a day that I knew I would see or hear from him and it would be our special time. Those days were Thanksgiving and the day of my birthday- XMAS EVE. Every year, he would give me a call on Thanksgiving Day and on my birthday he would stop by to give me a gift. We’d talk for a minute or two on the porch and that was our special time. Sometimes, he’d stop by the day after XMAS. My parents would be out doing after-Christmas shopping. I would secretly refuse to go because I was “tired” but actually wishing he would stop by or call me as he mostly did. That was our yearly routine..

 

During college, we of course, had other lives. I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. We didn’t see each other because we were no longer in the same school. When I started college, I was already in a new relationship when I started college. He actually had many relationships during high school that I would hear of through the grapevine. Of course, he never told me about any of them whenever we talked on the phone. Anyway, to make along story short, we both got accepted to the nursing program. I was in a serious relationship and so was he (as I later found out). We saw each other often in nursing school and he actually knew my boyfriend. They played on the same basketball team. I would come see my BF play and he would still be giving me that same smile from back in HS. It was an awkward time. But for those 2-3 years in nursing school, we were just friends. He was my “friend” who never told me that he had a girlfriend. It was all so vague and I just didn’t know even though he knew all of my business. We’d go out to lunch or study together and he’d sometimes take me home despite the fact that I was with someone. Hey I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Although in the pit of my stomach, I still wanted Dex to be THE guy.

 

 Now let’s fast forward to my junior year in college. I walked into my “Sex-Education” class, which was my Summer 2000 elective, and there he was. I ACTUALLY WAS GOING TO SHARE THIS CLASS WITH HIM ALL SUMMER. He’d take me home often and I’d pick him up if he asked me to. He NEVER told me that he had a girlfriend, and I would never ask. It turned out that he did. Anyway, it took a little while (and some drama), but we broke off our other relationships and ended up with each other.

 

If you watched the movie- he was my Definitely, Maybe.

 

I hope I was his, despite ALL the hoodrats and girlfriends he had along the way. Believe me, there were plenty. Ha Ha Ha.

 

If he was reading this, he’d say- OMG to the above comment!

 

He’d say: OF COURSE you are.

 

The End!