Love and Marriage…

Remember when you were young and your parents had so much advice for you? Like don’t do this and don’t do that and remember this and remember that. I remember some of those things and would tell myself I had my own way and had my own life to live. Ironically, after having kids, I could totally picture myself being that type of parent. I think I have mentioned this in my older posts. Life is truly meant to be lived, but once you get to a certain point, you live it backwards for others- like Benjamin Button sort to say. I have no regrets in my life and I love living the life I live, so don’t get me wrong. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I am living it with the right man. Honestly, if it were not for me having the husband that I have, would I truly be happy and content with where I am now in life? If I didn’t have the hubby that I do have, I would probably have more stress raising the kids or doing more mommy things all on my own. I would probably have more nights alone because not all husbands are like mine- the one who prefers to stay home with the family instead of going out with friends. I was blessed with a husband who is so understanding and a husband who took in my family as if it were his own. I have a husband who is committed to family and knows what being a husband and father mean. In more ways than one, I am very lucky.

So remember when your parents told you to slow down? Don’t get married too quickly. Enjoy your life. Go to school. See the world. There’s so much more. I picture myself as being that kind of parent because when I look all around me, I see a lot of people rushing through life without stopping to take a breath. They finish school. Get married. Buy a house. Have babies. The end result however is divorce for many of them. If only having babies could come as the last step. Unfortunately, having babies is the TEST that many couples have to go through.  Many people have not been there and done that. They didn’t get to enjoy life or go to school or see the world and only realize that once they have kids. Now these poor kids are suffereing having divorced parents because their parents did not realize they were not ready until the babies came into their life. I wish there was a course in college that covers all of this. That building a family is a bond and a promise. It should not be one that just ends in divorce because you have chosen to give up. Divorce is almost as popular now as getting married. You just sign a paper and voila- it’s done. Unfortunately, when kids are involved, it is not as easy FOR THEM as it may be for the parents! Truly, I think that before you become a parent, you have to have the right mind set and maturity level. Just because you’re married and have a house does not constitute you to have the right to bring a baby into this world. Having kids is a much greater commitment than having all of the above. It breaks my heart to see this trend.

This was all brought on because as I was looking for invitations online, I came across DIVORCE PARTY invitations. It was pretty interesting and it hit a soft spot in me. There are now celebrations for these things as much as you celebrate your wedding. How ridiculous is this? So if you are reading this, make sure you enjoy life and get everything out of your system before you bring a person into this world that we live in. Parenthood is a commitment of both parents guiding their children together as a family!

I understand that it cannot always happen this way if you have children before you get married, but if you guys get married first and then have children, you should stay true to  your marriage vows and work harder on being a family. Being a single parent is hard. So to those who have children without getting married and surviving on their own, much props to you. Things happen in this world for a reason. To those who are committing themselves to marriage, I hope that you have made a conscious decision in knowing your lifetime partner is there to the very end- or to the very least, that you two will work things out to the best of your abilities when the going gets tough. Some people get married just to get married and walk down the aisle. They do it without really thinking about what it really is. They are just fulfilling their childhood dream of having that fairytale wedding. Marriage is not an act of getting married on that one bliss filled day. It is a future and a forever status. It’s so easy to step out and just give up. We have to work much harder than just taking the easy way out! More importantly, we have to stop getting married just to get married knowing in the back of our minds that you can divorce. You have to be truly sure that he/she is worth it in the end so that fighting for that person will be worth it as well.

One thought on “Love and Marriage…

  1. wow I didn’t think anyone else thought that too anymore. I guess because I am a product of divorce and watch what it did to my siblings/stepsiblings that I felt that way. Even at mine and Dan’s worse moments (in which we only had Ian at that time,) I never thought it was fair to my child just give up on my marriage. I felt kind of like you that I chose to bring him in this situation and it was unfair to change his whole life because I was unhappy. It was up to me and his father to work it out for his sake. I guess growing up I saw so many evil stepparents and I knew no one would ever adore him like his father and I could. Plus I figured out from watching my parents that most people end up regretting their divorce in some ways. There is always longing for something that didn’t work out and knowing that you failed your children and it was not how it could ideally be for them. I also realized that i might remarry but dan would always be in a second marriage because we have a son together plus he was my first. I would always compare any future husband to him. So you will always have three people in that second marriage you and your second husband and the memory of your first husband. There is nothing like the person that you brought home your first child with, and the person that you first decided to build a life with bad or good. Nothing compares to that first time joys in life and not knowing what to expect together. also like you I got lucky with a husband that is very good to my family taking in siblings, loaning money when we’ve had to, and even paying for trips like this year to disney that he isn’t even going on but my family is. So its nice to her that someone around my age feels the same. Dan and I too are very happy just being home together than go out with friends by ourselves which some people find hard to understand. Very cool this site and reading it. I use to keep online diary from before I was married until Ian was about 6 months old just felt like I had little time to really think about what I wrote.

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