WEIGHED DOWN

This post is anything but the title. Weighed down? My weight is not down, but it is weighing me down for sure! I have never been the skinny minnie, but I have also never found too much problem with my weight. I think I have always accepted myself and was satisfied with my weight. Did I think I could lose a few pounds? Well of course I did. Who doesn’t wish that? I think I have wished that since I was 10 years old and I actually have proof from an old journal entry! For the most part, though, I was pretty content and accepted my body for what it is, especially after my first pregnancy! I actually felt like I did pretty well losing weight and then being able to maintain it without trying too hard after having my kids. These days, it is a different story though. Now I am really beginning to believe that I am old- because my body has stopped making up for my selfish, unhealthy eating habits! So much has changed (physically) with me over the year… as I crawl closer to reaching my 35th birthday in December. Enough is enough for this chick!

This was a picture of me from last year. I was barely “sucking” it in and was, for the most part, happy with myself as I have always been. I loved going shopping for clothes and fit into acceptable sizes. unnamedLately, shopping has not been as enjoyable for me. It is like a double edged sword since I have been saving a lot of money from shopping less, but I honestly would prefer being able to be satisfied with myself (and my health). Although I have noticed an increase in my shoe collection (which deserves a post of its own). I admit that since my dad left for the Philippines in the fall last year, we have been eating out more often. There was less home-cooked meals for the whole family, since my dad did most of the shopping to fill up our refrigerator. I have since gone up a size or two in my clothes. I even had to order new work uniforms to be comfortable at work. I really have no excuse except for pure laziness and not having a care until it has noticeably been an issue. I wish my husband would be a little more critical of me, even just a little. He may just be the motivation I needed, since my old “boss” has gone and I don’t have those reminders of how “fat you are getting” anymore!

In all my years, I have never become this bad so fast, except for the time during my pregnancy. I am going to try really hard to make changes NOW! I’m not promising myself that I am going to change everything all at once, but I do admit that I have become irresponsible with my health. I have been to the gym less than 5 times this year. I eat a lot of late night snacks. I’ve been drinking more wine (by the bottle) and needing more coffee on a daily basis. That in and of itself might signal an even deeper problem, but I blame my bad sleeping habits for that. I want so much to be wide awake to have my “mommy-time” when the girls go to sleep that I drown myself in coffee during the day. My sleeping habits are so bad that I honestly need that wine to lull me to sleep when I need to. Lack of sleep adds to my declining health. I don’t have breakfast on most days. I eat lunch between 11am to noon. I normally don’t eat a meal again until 8pm for dinner. I have coffee in between with zero to little water. So things are going to have to change.

I took a selfie of me and my body today. I want to see a transformation through the months. I think that will be the motivation I will need. I have never done it, but I hope it will push me in the right direction. I’m going to have to make some little changes now before I go beyond what I can’t handle anymore. It’s not even about physical appearance to me. It is about just feeling so unhealthy and feeling like I could do better for my future. I’m going to wish myself luck and have a banana with my coffee tomorrow morning. Cheers to new beginnings. It always has to start somewhere and I hope I can start NOW! Stay tuned…